All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
