time to smoke my breakfast
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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