Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
