The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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