If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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