Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
