where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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