living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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