HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're like the curious george of whores
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
