I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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