She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
