i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And then he peed in my hair
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