i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
