so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
