My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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