That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
