I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
