My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just googled if crying burns calories
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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