Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize