I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
