Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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