I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize