She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
