If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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