i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
