i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
