Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
