im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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