I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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