God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!