she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off