he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.