Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I bet he comes in French.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine