I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.