He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high