There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
