the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head