i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.