I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
