That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
