she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
