Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
