Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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