so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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