I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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