I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
