Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I did not marry a roomba.
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