I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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