Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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