Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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