Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
