This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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