Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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