Pappa wants mamma naked
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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