Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Small penises have feelings too.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
