I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
