That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
