I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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