I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ruined the universe
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
