I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
