very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
