I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
