Define "chronic" masturbator.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
