I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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