didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
