what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
