Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
